10 things for our daughter

 Some days have God's fingerprints all over them. You can almost feel the tension between heaven and earth dissipate. You sense His closeness as you would feel the tenderness of a close friend or a gentle kiss. We have been blessed with several of these days. The day we expressed our love for each other in between nervous giggles orwhen our eyes met on our wedding day; heart exploding, lips quivering, legs shaking and smiles abundant. The precious firsts with our tiny, warm newborn babies resting on us and grabbing our fingers. These moments; they have  fingerprints of God and His handiwork on display. They are sacred; the air thick with God's "pneuma", the very breath of His Spirit.

 

 

When heaven touches earth typically a party needs to happen because is there really any other reason for celebration? We were made for heaven so it awakens all the senses and makes you think and long for home when you get a taste of it. Maybe even your heart aches a little in a good way, because it is beautiful and because is not earthly.

One such occasion for us happened yet again this past Sunday. We held a party for our middle daughter. Our beautiful, cherished, wild, kind, creative, intuitive, spirited, justice-fighting, opinionated, individualist, silly, serious, delight of a person, daughter. We held a party for her because winds of change have rolled in. We knew they were coming as we have been preparing for her exit since they placed her tiny pink body in our arms. We knew that our job was to give her roots for a season, but that the goal was to give her all she needed to fly one day. That day is close. It is upon us. She will leave our home and its safety and she is preparing to go. The thought of it breaks our hearts in all the best ways because we have grown to sincerely like her. We also very much enjoy her spunk and spirit, and are pleased to have been her caretakers and coaches for the season she was ours. But, we always knew that this wasn't forever. We knew the goal. We always knew. In fact, the whole point (with the wisdom from the Word and from His Spirit) has been to instruct and guide her to know the One who knows her name, sings over her and has prepared a plan for her before the foundations of the earth with the hope that she will love Him back. 

We gathered with our church family at a beautiful farm where we waited as the dark clouds split right over us and opened up the sky to reveal a lovely rainbow. He was showing off, but He has done that a lot for us so it was only perfect. Gathering with our church family was very important to us, seeing that they have given our voices a mega phone in her ears these past 9 years. They have championed and supported her, taught her, trained her in her gifts, and spoken into her life. Most importantly, they anchored her to the Truth. They helped us set up, decorated with us, made all the food and the gorgeous cake and threw themselves into the celebration much like they have thrown themselves into our lives. They do it big. We chose several champions who sacrificed their time and energy to invest into her to speak to her on this night. They gave great value to how intricately God has created her. They knew her enough to be specific, which thrilled us to the core. If there was an argument for the importance of the local church in the life of your child, watching them love on her within the context of YEARS would silence even the greatest cynic. She was beaming and they were crying because the body needs the body. Ephesians 4 and Titus 2 was on display to us. 

When it was time for her dad and I to share, we held the journal we had kept for her since before she was born. Our arms clinging to it and holding it close for the last time before it was handed to her. In this journal held moments in our journey together, moments from the very start; just quick snapshots of her life with us. It felt heavy in my hands and in my heart because I knew that she couldn't fully understand how much this meant to us. We bore witness to her first clunky steps and now we will watch her walk away. How can she understand the depths of these moments? It isn't sad. It isn't happy. It is just deeply significant. We have intentionally parented her for these eighteen years for these precious next moments of her release; admitting again that she was never ours. She was leant to us to launch her forward past our gaze with our prayers and with the steady hand of the One who knit her together and whose plan for her life brings His heart greater joy than we can possibly comprehend.

Why are we sharing this with you?

 Because, we know that there is a lot pulling at parents. We know because a lot is pulling at us. Most of what is pulling on us is hoping to yank us away from the discipleship of our children. The world is telling you that you are missing out and that life is passing you by. This isn't true. It's a deceptive lie that has its wicked roots in the lie from the garden. If you are kingdom bound and kingdom worshipers then there is nothing more important that this work. And IT IS WORK.  It is a daily choice to parent with intentionality. It is exhausting and wearisome and disheartening and most days you will put your head on your pillow and feel that you blew it. That is exactly why the scriptures say not to grow weary but to remember that a harvest comes from a proper amount of sowing for a season. Don't give up.  We want you to be an encouragement to you if you have kids at home. We want our own hearts to be reminded as we still have our little in ours.  If you are weary, remember this: there is a time stamp on your kids being with you all day every day.  They will soon be gone. Give yourself fully to these years with them. Tire yourself right out doing this work. From our perspective: all the time, energy, and all the rest is worth it. 

 We know our daughter will take the good along with the bad. There wasn't any perfect parenting done on our part and she knows it. But, there was intentionality. There were lots and lots of prayers offered up (along with many phone calls to our mothers!). There was nightly devotions and endless car ride chats. There were slammed doors and crying fits along with humbling apologies after silent treatments. There are no perfect parents and we are the chief example of that. But, what we did have is the Word of God, mentors who spoke truth to us and cheered for us and the body of Christ who aided us as we traveled along this sanctifying path of obedience. 

We would also like you to be totally clear that God is the author of faith in your children. It is not you. It is God. Making Jesus known isn't our job (that is the Spirit's job),  but it is our JOY. Obedience to His Word to instruct them to teach them the supremacy of God and to know His love will not return void. No matter how things look to you. There are no formulas or codes to unlock that will lead to their salvation or submission. That is fundamentally HIS work. But, as instruments in this work of His we have been commanded to participate . Parenting is a calling, and scripture says that it is a gift and a reward from Him. This is no small gift. It is a grace. 

So, here are our ten things for our Morgan Faith. While they were written specifically for her, we do pray they encourage you as you warrior on for the hearts of your kids: 

Mom:Lean into your otherness

This was scrawled across our chalkboard at home every single year while you were in middle school. It’s the most important thing that we want you to remember. This world is not your home.  2 Peter, Hebrews and 2 Cor. refers to us aliens and foreigners here. You are a sojourner; a traveler on your way to the only true comfort the human heart can know. Don’t fill your life with things or people that lessen your grip on this reality. Run hard after the next life. Even if that means that you don’t fit in. Live your life with the kingdom in view.

Dad: Release yourself from the pressure of being the best.  

Your identity is wrapped in the one who is better than your very best.  When you accepted Jesus’ righteousness at age 6, you understood what 2 Cor. 5 states that Jesus  who knew no sin became sin. He took your sin; even the sins you have yet to commit are forgiven.  This is your greatest identity. This means on your best days of human performance, Jesus gets the credit.  On the days of your biggest failures, you still wear Jesus’ perfect righteousness. Comparison kills relationships and distracts you from your value in Christ. Let His identity inform you view of yourself and you will have the confidence in the long race of life. 

Mom: Do it scared  

Don’t sit on the sidelines of your own life. Don’t listen to the fear built on lies from the enemy that would hold you back from relationships, experiences and opportunities to use your gifts to their full potential. You are redeemed and forgiven. You are wonderfully and perfectly made. Your life is a wonderful work. Fear (from lies) and faith can’t abide in the same heart. 2 Timothy 1;7 says that he hasn’t give you a spirit of fear. Walk in His anchoring truth as you do the next thing. Even if your hands shake.

Dad: Feel your “feels”, but don’t identify as how you feel.

You will have days when you don’t feel like serving, loving or giving.  That’s okay, it’s normal to have these days.  Feel the tension and difficulty of a broken world, and then remind yourself that this isn’t the world of your destiny.  That world is unbroken and perfect.  You will have days of depression and anxiety, but those days are just tiny grains of sand in the hourglass of eternity.  Don’t let those days own your greater identity, take courage in the hope of the Gospel.

Mom: Talk about your weakness: keep that circle small and intentional (2 Cor. 12)

Know who your people are. Let them in to those deep places that need to be brought to the light. People who know you deeply and your struggles. Just be picky about it; make sure you keep that circle limited to people who will listen intently, who hug you often, who speak compassionately and who will counsel you biblically. 

Dad: Your Christlikeness is your most defining beauty, so take the greatest car of that beauty mark.

You have claimed Proverbs 31:30 as one of your life verses. It states: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”  the cultural emphasis on outward beauty is crippling. Don’t listen to these voices! You are beautiful inside and out, but the beauty of Christ rests upon you, and that is your greatest beauty.  Nurture the beauty of your relationship with Christ above all else.

Mom: Be a warrior 

For the oppressed and the lost, and care for the most vulnerable) 2 Cor. 5:20 states that Christ is making his appeal through you. You are His ambassador to a hurting and broken and dark world.

Show up when someone is hurting, speak up to those who are wandering and stand up for the oppressed.MayChrist in you be a sanctuary for the people you meet! 

*you were the kid in our house who would give all the money in her pockets to the homeless; who always bought lunch for the people who were hungry and who never backed down from sharing the truth. Even when it made people not invite you to certain things. Keep doing this. We love it. 

Dad: Adventure is an attitude, not a longitude or latitude.

Where ever you go in life, and no matter what you do, you can enjoy it as an adventure if you live it as unto the Lord.  Take it from a mom and dad who have travelled the world, and lived long sections of stationary life.  Both have been adventures because we have seen the seemingly mundane as an exciting adventure. We are with Him. He is the promised land.  Loving God and loving people is the ultimate adventure.

Mom: 2 Peter 3:18 says to Grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ .

Be a student of the Word. 

To know Him and who He is informs all of life. 

Emotions can not be trusted when discerning truth. Let God’s Word dwell in you richly.  Maturity in Christ is about knowing who He is, what He is doing in you, and giving yourself obediently to that work. The scriptures give you everything you will ever need to know about Him. Know the Word and live the word. Blessing follows this obedience.

Dad: Know that you are loved, know it beyond how you feel or what you see.

You aren’t just loved by your family, you are loved by the God who created you just the way you are.  The love you receive from us unwavering and unconditional.  We are so excited to cheer you on.  Go hard, leave nothing in the tank, and watch the incredible journey the Lord takes you on.

To quote from a favorite book, “Where does the kingdom of God swing the closest? Lean there. Weary yourself on that. You’re going to be tired one way or another. Be good and tired.”

And we leave you with this challenge from Hebrews 12 and paraphrased in the Message:

“ Strip down, start running and NEVER QUIT. No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus who both began and finished this race we are in. Study how He did it. Because He never lost sight of where He was headed- that exhilarating finish in and with God.” 

To our precious, wild flower of a kid, we say this: Morgan, soar and fly. The prayers of generations before you have echoed in heaven's throne room on your behalf. We will keep praying always. 

 We love you. - Mom & Dad