
"Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers, so mother's be good to your daughters too..."
I love the lyrics to this song. It is secular in its origin, but so profound in this day in age.
This blog post is dedicated to men who have been given the great gift of raising daughters and to the daughters of those men.
I happen to be one of them. A daughter, that is.
I have had the great joy of being cared for, nurtured and loved deeply by my hero. My dad. Much of who I am today is because of the time and the investment and the example that he set for me. I have a great mother, too, to be sure, but a girl needs a strong and capable man to set the course for her life in nearly every area of life.
In his book, "Bringing us Girls", James Dobson states that "a daughter's sense of self-worth and confidence is linked directly to her relationship with her dad."
Woah.
This is no small under-taking! My dad has spent the better part of my life letting me know how beautiful, special, valued and wanted I was. He was real and honest about his struggles. He wasn't perfect, but he was teachable and vulnerable with me always. Some of my favorite memories included long talks late into the night while we would travel. He would teach me about everything from constellations to how I would know I was in love. He spent hours with me on homework and would agonize over every poor grade. He led our family spiritually by growing in his relationship with God first and then allowing that growth to spill over onto us. This happened not only in family devotions in the evenings, but in every single area of our lives. I cherished that time with him. He is still there for me, though he has shifted his focus to not only investing into me, but now into the man who has taken his place.
I have loved, delighted in, really, watching my sweet husband, woo and court the other little ladies in this household. He is setting the standard so incredibly high for any potential suitor. And I love it!
I love that he tells them that they are beautiful and reads to them at night. I love that they delight in his attention and his affection. I love to hear him teach my girls in the same way that my dad taught me. They trust him implicitly. (To a fault sometimes, since I know now just now much of their information is complete fabrication.) I love that they need him.
So much of who we are hinges on being loved by our daddies.
A delightful read is Harry Harrison's little book, "Father to Daughter: Life Lessons on Raising a Girl". It is a compilation of short proverbs in the form of quips and suggestions.
As a daughter and a mommy to girls who adore their daddy, I found these thoughts touching and insightful! I will admit to having the occasional lump in my throat as I read through them today.
* Accept the fact that your little girl will melt your heart anytime she choose
* Take part in her life now. Don't wait until she's 15 to try and develop a relationship.
* Sing to her while you're rocking her. She'll love hearing your voice- and it's a great way to pass the time at 1 am.
*Remember, if you yell at a boy not to play with a wall socket, he'll either stomp off or do it anyway. A girl will cry.
* Her mom will show her how to bake chocolate chip cookies. You show her how to dunk them in milk.
* Teach her how to count. First her fingers, then Cheerios, M&M's, dandelions, and fireflies.
* Be prepared to watch Walt Disney movies with her some 200 times. Each.
* Never lose the wonder of watching her and her mother together.
*Relish the moments when she toddles up and for no reason at all throws her arms around your neck. Resist the urge to buy her the world.
*Trust her mom to understand the mystery of little girls. You have yet to figure out the mystery of the big ones.
*Never, ever, make fun of her.
*Bear in mind that from the very beginning your personality will shape her.
*Ask her about her day, every day. Share her wonder
*Keep her secrets. This way she will begin to trust men.
*Take her for a walk in the woods. Show her what poison Ivy looks like, how to cross a stream, how to find her way back.
*Let her teach you. About what she learned in school today. About the Pilgrims, or multiplication, or manatees. How to sing her favorite song. How to bake a cake. How to braid Barbie's hair.
*Praise her often. Let her know you love the way she is. If you tell her this often enough she might remember it throughout adolescence.
*Make up stories to tell each other at night. Stretch her imagination.
*Surprise her by showing up at her school for lunch, bearing Happy Meals or pizza.
* Remember, society is teaching her its values 24/7. You need to be more determined to teach her yours.
*Never permit her to talk back rudely-to you or to her mother. Or anybody else, for that matter.
*Teach her patience, kindness, and tolerance. If you don't, many years from now you'll wish you had.
*Think before you speak. Even when you don't mean to, you can end up hurting her feelings.
*Never laugh at her dreams.
*Teach her to read between the lines. Remember, though, that she will probably have a better natural ability for this than you.
*Take her out of town to somewhere she's never been at least once a year. This will develop her sense of adventure.
*Remember, she needs a strong self-image before she becomes an awkward teen. A father's love can make all the difference.
*Accept the fact that girls squeal when they're happy or confused or excited or scared or because they just saw a certain boy in line.
*Talk to her often about decision-making and sex. About her peer pressure, about love, about romance, about God. You never know when it will be just the thing she needs to hear.
*If you don't approve of the way she looks before she goes out, send her back to her room to start over. Be gentle but firm.
*Never call her names. No matter how mad you are. No matter what she did. If you do, she'll remember if for the rest of her life.
* The day she is born, ask God to guide you in all aspects of raising her.
*Drag her to church, every week. She may not share your enthusiasm, but after 18 years, the message will have sunk in.
*Teach her to be moral in an age that bombards her with sexual imagery and innuendo.
*Teach her to pray for her enemies.
*Teach her that sometimes God has other plans.
*Teach her how to drive...without making her cry.
*Teach her, by the way you treat your wife, the way a man is supposed to treat a woman.
*Teach her how to look a boy in the eye and say, "NO."
*Teach her that if she acts stupid to attract boys, she'll attract stupid boys.
*If a boy pulls up and honks for her, go out and have words with him. Explain that your daughter answers to a doorbell.
*Wait up for her. Knowing Dad will be greeting her at the door will have a very positive effect on her decision-making process.
*Remember, every girl's heart gets broken. There's nothing you can do to fix it. Hunting down the boy won't help.
*Don't let her moods or anger push you away. She needs you now more than ever.
*Take long walks with her.
*Teach her to respect herself.
*Prepare for the day when you're not the most important man in her life.
*Tell her the three keys to wisdom: not believing all you hear, not spending all you have, not sleeping all you want. This will be difficult for her until she graduates from college.
*Have a look around her room. Take a moment to look at her pictures, her photos, her keepsakes. These are her memories. This was the childhood you gave her.
*Remember, she will break your heart when she leaves. But you will survive.
*Tell her she is the daughter you always dreamed about.
*In the end, let her go.
(Clearing throat to avoid swallowing it...)
The statistics show over and over again, and our society bears witness that estrangement or neglect from earthly dads have a direct effect on how we see our Heavenly dad. But, the opposite must be true then as well.
Good dad's give us a visual image of the most beautiful of all the attributes of our Heavenly Father. His love.
I wish to celebrate the good daddies in this world tonight. Daddies like mine. Lord, knows the bad ones get way too much air time. You are a representation of the love of our Heavenly Father.
What a weighty gift!
Thank you for stepping up to the challenge. These beautiful treasures from heaven need you now more than ever.
"Behold, what manner of love the Father has given unto us that we should be called children of God!"