This was my fortune from a few weeks ago. It’s funny because I had been trying to write and continue to try to write in my journal. I sent this pic to a wonderful friend who just the night before had told me she felt I needed to be writing things down during this season. I know this has really benefited me in the past.
Do you know, I’ve tried? What bubbles out of me in those moments of reflection in this current season aren’t things I like. When I face what I feel I am overwhelmingly discouraged by it. It makes me feel worse to be honest. I’m sure that there is stuff inside of me that needs a safe space to unload, but what I really need? I need to not focus on what I feel. I need to focus on what I know. I need it like “a deer panting for the water”. The Word is my mirror. My feelings are not the mirror. My feelings are strange and fickle and changing all the time;leading me down paths of unrighteousness.
What I feel distorts and separates me from the truth like a gossip separates close friends.
The Word is unchanging in its message (this message isn't about me). Its about the Holy, Uncreated, Unchanging One. The One who is Unchanging says that He sees, He knows and He loves and He does things according to His plans and His ways.
When I read the Word I read that nothing can separate me from His love (Rom.8:31-39). I read that He goes before me turning the darkness to light and the rough places smooth (Is. 42:16). I read the truth that He is "I AM" (Exodus 3:14). I read the truth that He is acquainted with suffering and that He is at the Father's right hand making intercession for us (Heb.4:13) I read the truth that the Holy Spirit prays for us when we don't know what to pray.(Rom.8:26) I read the truth that His plans and His will for me are GOOD and that He is omniscient in what He allows that "good" to look like (Rom.8:28). I am reminded that His ways and His thoughts are too high for me to attain them (Ps139). I read that, like Jesus prayed for Peter, He will guard my faith by praying for it (Luke 22:32) I learn that it was HE who planted the seed of faith in me (I Cor.3:6-8) and that He has made a covenant to me (Heb.8) to keep me. This is all done independently from me and my fickle, fleeting faith. It can only be Him. (Ecc. 7:20)
I want that truth to ring in my ears and drown out the noise of what I feel. I want it to so permeate my life that what comes out of my life is not what feelings produce (fear, anger, disillusionment, pride, self-awareness and shame) but what the fruit that abiding produces (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). His strength in my life is most obvious through my weakness (my need for it).
He has done all the work for me! He has provided every tool I need. He has given me the Spirit to follow (Gal.5:25). I will pick up this tool in this war for my heart. I will wield it like a warrior against every thought that would seek to debilitate me on this journey. I will run in the paths of righteousness as a worshiper for His glory and I will remember that even when I don't that He is there with me. Protecting me, leading me and comforting me. (Ps.23). And I will remember that it isn't my faith that saves me (Eph.2:8) It is HIS commitment to HIS names' sake that does. (Ps.106:8)
Pour it in there, Father. Speak Your words of life! I am Mary at your feet.
I am hanging on every Word.
“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh.
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.
We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. - 2 Corinthians 10:3-6