Totally and Completely the Point
We've fallen into something in our parenting that seems to be working. Whether or not it is working in my children's hearts, I may never know. What I do know emphatically is that God is using it in my life as He parents me. He is using it to teach, correct and reshape me.
We became parents almost 17 years ago. It didn't take long to realize that the majority of our time is spent actually parenting them. We enjoy them too. LOTS. But, lets just say that at least 60% of our job involves correcting and shepherding them. We also spend a whole chunk of our day taking care of them. Physically, spiritually and emotionally they are still dependent on us for their well being and care. Rob and I have made it a practice to say to our kids when we are doing these tasks, either menial or truly sacrificial, "Do you know why I will *fill in the blank* for you? Because, I love you." Sometimes, they repeat it back to us, "I know...because you love me". It helps us too because Lord knows... it takes reminding. Parenting asks a lot.
We try to make a mental note to say the same phrase in our discipline too. They, like any self-respecting person, say (as we did when we were kiddos) whether verbally or non-verbally with a slammed door or a temper tantrum, "Ya...sure...if you really loved me you wouldn't punish me. You wouldn't wound me. You would just let me off the hook!". We still say it, though. It is important language. When I say these words; whether through serving or with discipline, I am sending my kids the message that I am for them and not against them.
When I say, "I do this because I love you" as I am serving them, it is very easy for them to believe that I mean what I say. I am doing a kindness for them and the feeling matches the sentiment. Conversely, it is really, really hard when I am disciplining them to believe my heart. The hope is that I am more often, than not, communicating (albeit imperfectly) that I am pro-them. I have been given a great task to nurture and shape them and that sometimes means they feel good about it and sometimes they just won't. On the days that our love and our consistency in being pro-them just doesn't cut it, we ask them another question: "Can you trust me?" It's an honest question that usually gets an honest answer. Sometimes we get a hefty sigh or a lengthy pause. There are a lot of times that there are tears. And from the toddler a wail. Other times we get a reluctant nod or a mumbled, "sure" but we know it is a willful act of submission and that isn't easy for them and so we thank them. It is hard to be under the authority of another. So super hard.
God is using this in my life. God will sometimes apply pressure to an area of my life that feels fragile and bruised. He will allow people to come into my life that betray or upset me. He will withhold something from me that I feel deserving of. When this happens, under a myriad of different circumstances, my first thought is that I want Him to remove it. And yet, most of the time, He continues to apply pressure. I have to acknowledge that this is coming from His hand; He is allowing it. My next thought inevitably is that if He loved me that He would spare me from the trial. My temptation is to want to give up or run from relationships that are hard and yet the Holy Spirit never lets me. He keeps telling me, (like the wise counselor that He is) to keep going, keep leaning and to keep striving, keep loving.
It is completely and totally the point.
God is so committed. He is doing deep work in me because of His commitment to me. Left without struggle I would become my own messiah. I would lean on my own understanding. Through the struggle He is communicating the importance of my knowledge of my weakness. He is communicating the authority He has over my life and then reminding me that He moved heaven to earth to rescue me from me. He is committed to seeing me grow. He won't let me believe that I can do it without Him and this is all because HE LOVES ME. This knowledge does something in me. It changes the conversation from a prayer for the removal of the trial to a submission to it. Yes, there are sighs and there are tears. Sometimes a temper tantrum. He says, "Trust me?" and I don't want to. I want to trust me. Then, God's love and His kindness leads me to repentance and I remember that this pressure and discipline is from HIS hand (the nail- pierced one) and that it is for my good. I mumble out my response. He is okay with my unwillingness and my fear and my desire not to submit. He knows it is hard. He died because I wouldn't do it on my own. He remembers I am dust. He knows my faith isn't sufficient. He is committed to me in spite of me. Grace.
Father God, I surrender again today. I am weak. You are strong. I trust you. I believe you want freedom for me. Give me the faith to believe you. Help me in my unbelief. Help me to remember salvation. Give me joy in it. Thanks for loving me.
We became parents almost 17 years ago. It didn't take long to realize that the majority of our time is spent actually parenting them. We enjoy them too. LOTS. But, lets just say that at least 60% of our job involves correcting and shepherding them. We also spend a whole chunk of our day taking care of them. Physically, spiritually and emotionally they are still dependent on us for their well being and care. Rob and I have made it a practice to say to our kids when we are doing these tasks, either menial or truly sacrificial, "Do you know why I will *fill in the blank* for you? Because, I love you." Sometimes, they repeat it back to us, "I know...because you love me". It helps us too because Lord knows... it takes reminding. Parenting asks a lot.
We try to make a mental note to say the same phrase in our discipline too. They, like any self-respecting person, say (as we did when we were kiddos) whether verbally or non-verbally with a slammed door or a temper tantrum, "Ya...sure...if you really loved me you wouldn't punish me. You wouldn't wound me. You would just let me off the hook!". We still say it, though. It is important language. When I say these words; whether through serving or with discipline, I am sending my kids the message that I am for them and not against them.
When I say, "I do this because I love you" as I am serving them, it is very easy for them to believe that I mean what I say. I am doing a kindness for them and the feeling matches the sentiment. Conversely, it is really, really hard when I am disciplining them to believe my heart. The hope is that I am more often, than not, communicating (albeit imperfectly) that I am pro-them. I have been given a great task to nurture and shape them and that sometimes means they feel good about it and sometimes they just won't. On the days that our love and our consistency in being pro-them just doesn't cut it, we ask them another question: "Can you trust me?" It's an honest question that usually gets an honest answer. Sometimes we get a hefty sigh or a lengthy pause. There are a lot of times that there are tears. And from the toddler a wail. Other times we get a reluctant nod or a mumbled, "sure" but we know it is a willful act of submission and that isn't easy for them and so we thank them. It is hard to be under the authority of another. So super hard.
God is using this in my life. God will sometimes apply pressure to an area of my life that feels fragile and bruised. He will allow people to come into my life that betray or upset me. He will withhold something from me that I feel deserving of. When this happens, under a myriad of different circumstances, my first thought is that I want Him to remove it. And yet, most of the time, He continues to apply pressure. I have to acknowledge that this is coming from His hand; He is allowing it. My next thought inevitably is that if He loved me that He would spare me from the trial. My temptation is to want to give up or run from relationships that are hard and yet the Holy Spirit never lets me. He keeps telling me, (like the wise counselor that He is) to keep going, keep leaning and to keep striving, keep loving.
He doesn't say this so that I will master the trial but only so that I will see how very weak I am
The point of the entire struggle is to prove my inability and His sufficiency. He is bringing out the messiah I think myself to be and allowing me see to my weakness so that I can witness His strength, His love and His sufficiency. His love in discipline is breaking me down. It is purposefully bringing me to my knees.It is completely and totally the point.
God is so committed. He is doing deep work in me because of His commitment to me. Left without struggle I would become my own messiah. I would lean on my own understanding. Through the struggle He is communicating the importance of my knowledge of my weakness. He is communicating the authority He has over my life and then reminding me that He moved heaven to earth to rescue me from me. He is committed to seeing me grow. He won't let me believe that I can do it without Him and this is all because HE LOVES ME. This knowledge does something in me. It changes the conversation from a prayer for the removal of the trial to a submission to it. Yes, there are sighs and there are tears. Sometimes a temper tantrum. He says, "Trust me?" and I don't want to. I want to trust me. Then, God's love and His kindness leads me to repentance and I remember that this pressure and discipline is from HIS hand (the nail- pierced one) and that it is for my good. I mumble out my response. He is okay with my unwillingness and my fear and my desire not to submit. He knows it is hard. He died because I wouldn't do it on my own. He remembers I am dust. He knows my faith isn't sufficient. He is committed to me in spite of me. Grace.
Father God, I surrender again today. I am weak. You are strong. I trust you. I believe you want freedom for me. Give me the faith to believe you. Help me in my unbelief. Help me to remember salvation. Give me joy in it. Thanks for loving me.
Comments
Post a Comment