The Marks of Your Remaking

This was written by my brother, Scott who has been walking through a devastating season in his life. He wrote it while feeling the tension between the things he knew about God and the things he felt about his circumstances.  Ever been there? I certainly have.  I am guessing that you have too. Perhaps, like me, there are times as you face the realities of your life don’t line up with what you are reading or hearing from the Word. These seasons feel full of searching for answers of His revealed character; trying to reconcile what you know with how you feel.  This was a sacred meeting between Scott and God. It wasn’t a planned prayer time, it wasn’t while sitting in a chapel or church service. Just a sacred meeting at the kitchen sink where the bottled up emotions spilled out of his heart like a flood and into God’s waiting and listening ears.

We are told in scripture that we can come boldly before God’s throne to receive mercy and grace in time of need (Hebrews 4:16), but often we can feel that coming to the throne with our true selves will be blasphemous and disrespectful. And this was the experience of my brother. Caught between the need for transparency with the Creator and a holy respect of Who He is. The answer from God was GRACE and MERCY. The God of the Universe wrapped His wings around my brother in the thick of his hurt and spoke words of life.

Scott was reluctant to share this experience because in his words it is much like trying to take a picture of a sunset that leaves you breathless; it just doesn’t do the experience justice. The moment almost too sacred and holy to recount properly. I nudged him too. So much of what he writes here is raw and real.

He described to me the response from the Holy Spirit as a wave of truth and peace washing over him, right there at the kitchen sink. It reminds me of the verse in Romans 8:26 that says the Spirit prays for us in wordless groans when we don’t know what to pray. 

This is a little snap shot; a picture of the sunset of that experience. It blessed me in my current season like few things have. It put words to my wordless prayers and poured truth straight into my questioning heart. I was reminded when I read this that God doesn’t promise to give us answers to our questions this side of heaven, but He has promised to give us all of Himself. He wants us to know Him. He wants us to know that He will never leave. Scott served as a pastor to hurting people for the last 2o years of his life. I will never forget him telling me and so many others that during the severest trials of life, God wants to teach us theology. 

Please read, share and know that the grace and peace of God, manifested through His Son and ministered to you through the power of the Holy Spirit goes with you today!

"The I AM is WITH you, FOR you and will forever be faithful TO you." 

The Marks of Your Remaking

God?

Can You hear me?

Are You listening?

God, I have heard of Your greatness and wonders. I have read Your Word and learned of Your provision and power. I have listened to the generations before me speak of You, sing praise to You and give testimony of Your faithfulness. I have believed the unbelievable about Your story of redemption and rescue for a humanity that You love, pursued and bought back with blood.  But I have to be honest with You right now, if dishonesty is even possible with You.

I don’t feel it right now. 

I am hurting, and the joy that I once felt at the sound of Your name is getting lost in the fog right now. Where ARE You? Where is the power which I have seen and of which others speak?  Where is the protection and provision that You said you would give? It pains me -- scares me to even say this blasphemy, but it is where I am. You know it already, right?

I know that in Your name is the power to move mountains and raise the dead, so why won’t you lift me from this place? I know You own the cattle on a thousand hills and the whole earth is yours, so why am I in poverty? I know that Yours is the strength and might.  Then why don’t You move a muscle? 

Do You still number my tears? Because I’ve lost count.

Do You still visit the distressed? Because I haven’t slept through the night since I can’t remember.

Are You still the One who brings peace and rest? Because I am in turmoil and anguish. 

Do You still see the end from the beginning? Because I surely didn’t see this coming. 

Do You still heal the sick? Because I am longing for death.  

Do You still change hearts? Because mine is weak and hardened and feels heavier by the day. 

Do You still heal the broken relationships and dreams? Because we are shattered. 

Do You still break chains? Because this feels like captivity. 

Do You still go after the missing sheep? Because I feel lost and forgotten. 

Are You still the burden-bearer?  Because I am crushed under this weight. 

It is NOT well with my soul. Oh my God, where ARE you? Where is all of this headed?

I hate to even to say these things or acknowledge that I feel this way. I feel ashamed for this place I am in. I feel sorry to even admit it, but my heart is heavy and my flesh is weak. God help me -- help us! I’m bleeding out, crying out, and I am not sure how much longer I can hold out.  Are You slipping away or am I?

His reply came back to my inquisition, a true Word, if you can even call it language. It was a strong but loving rebuke. Soft and gentle, yet thunderous and terrifying. A challenging comfort not in spoken language that one could even write, and not just a feeling. It was illumination -- like a book you never read but all of the sudden remember.

“Oh My child, My love. I HEAR YOU! I KNOW. I know this hurt you bear better than you do. I feel it more deeply than you ever have or will.  I am not ignorant of this pain; I am feeling it too. I am bearing it WITH you and FOR you every moment. I am strengthening you in your every breath and every step, in ways you can’t begin to understand. Don’t take my silence for absence! Sometimes my whispering is the only way you can hear Me. 

You are right. Mine IS the strength and power; the earth melts at the sound of My voice. I could end this hurt with a word. I could end your poverty with the wind of my breath, but I won’t -- not yet. You can’t short-circuit My plans for you and there is no shortcut the purifying work I am undertaking. This cup you will drink to the dregs because I am preparing you, washing you; remaking you. I am mending the broken pieces, cleansing you of dirt you didn’t even know was there. Oh, you have no idea of the beauty I am re-creating here! If there was a better way to accomplish my end, then in my power and wisdom I would do it.  But here we are, where we are. My will be done.

You ask Me where this is headed. I’ve told you; you already know. It’s for your good and for My glory, a glory that I have declared that you will share.  Just don’t lose heart on the journey there. 

Listen to me, My love, My child.  These pains WILL turn to joy, not because they will cease to hurt, but because of the beauty they will become. Don’t you see the nail-pierced hands? Can’t you feel where the spear went in to My side on that bloody “good Friday”, that day of darkness and death where the guilt and penalty of your sins died too? These wounds -- these tokens of death, now celebrated symbols of life. I turn ashes to beauty, My son. I AM the Redeemer of dark things.

I don’t just allow these trials; I send them. I give them to you as a gift you don’t know how to receive yet, but trust Me -- one day you will. I won’t withhold these gifts from you.  They are evidence of My love; proof that you are Mine.

I DO see the end from the beginning but for Me, it is more than just sight, it is experience. I AM everywhere, but what you don’t yet understand is that I AM also every “WHEN.”  I AM the end from the beginning. I AM outside of this “right now” that you speak of, and I AM already there with you as you look back at the journey you would NEVER have chosen, but would also NEVER change. 

I AM there with you already, where the pain and hurt become celebration. Where all of your doubting, questioning and the anguish of your soul will come out of your mouth as songs of praise. It will be the most beautiful song you will ever sing.

I AM already there where the sorrow will turn to joy and mourning to dancing. Not because of the absence of your pain but because of the presence of My glory. The pain you have felt is real and the scars will not go away, but their meaning will change. No longer will they be reminders of your failures or your disappointments or the hurts done to you, but they will be trophies of My grace -- the marks of your remaking. 

My love, My child -- your hope in this future will not be put to shame. You will not be disappointed in this remaking I am working.  In fact, your greatest imaginings will not even scratch the surface of the things I have planned for you. I LOVE YOU, deeper than you can possibly know!  You will spend Eternity unraveling the breath-taking mystery of what I am doing in your “right now.” BE STILL and know that I AM is WITH you, FOR you, and will be faithful TO you.