The One who lifts my head

So many things that weigh down a heart. When the heart is heavy, so often is the head. It feels too heavy to hold the chin up. I am so thankful that the scriptures say in Psalm 3 that God is "A shield around me, my glory, The One who lifts my head."

I had this experience yesterday. The Holy Spirit is an excellent, patient teacher and counselor. He isn't subtle. He is obvious and consciously loud when you are listening. Yesterday I  hadn't been able to tell myself much of anything to cheer me up so I asked Him to do it as He is really a lot better at it. On top of it, God is more committed to my peace and my sanctification than I am for myself. This is the essence and the meaning behind "Be still. Know I am GOD."

Perhaps you can relate to the fact that when life begins to pile up with one big thing after another, you find that everything begins to feel very fragile and a bit foreign. Life right now doesn't really feel familiar at all to me. When I talk about my mom having ovarian cancer, and my uncle passing away suddenly last week it sounds like someone else's life to me.  There are other things weighing down this heart of mine in addition to those very hard things that I won't mention here, but it all feels heavy. Too heavy. I have big questions about things that don't have answers this side of heaven, so I get tired of thinking of them and just stop trying to figure it out, but it leaves me a little quiet and somber and that doesn't feel like me either. So, I just ask Him to keep talking and to not stop and I promise to keep telling Him how much I need Him and that I will listen.  He says in His word that He will pray for me when I don't even know how to do that, so even when His voice and His presence feels veiled, I can KNOW that I am covered. I am always so thankful for the joy I can feel and know when I am being loved by Him. The joy I feel in the face of hard things is His work and I know it.

 I don't remember even asking Him for help but, I know that I was feeling heavy in my spirit and not looking up much when Rob took me to the mountains yesterday.  We drove up to Lake Placid and passed waterfalls 100 feet up and babbling brooks that danced in the sunlight. Rob kept a firm grip on the steering wheel but took the time to point these things out to me and I would smile at him and nod my head. It was really pretty.  At one point in our drive up the winding roads though, my words caught in my throat at the sight of massive peaks all sprawled out everywhere. As we rounded a bend, I felt my heart whisper, "THERE YOU ARE!" and I was talking to Him.  The fog was clinging to these huge monstrosities and the light from the clouds was piercing through making laser beams everywhere. I grabbed Rob's arm and asked for him to stop and as soon as he could we pulled over and just sat there. Christmas music was playing. I am pretty sure someone was singing about Immanuel and I wanted to cry but I didn't want to miss anything. It was like taking a big huge gulps of air. I saw a bit of Him yesterday. The bit I could see and somewhat fathom anyway.  He was amazing! Majestic! Beautiful! I couldn't help but consider how small I was. How confused and sad and conflicted I felt and then I could almost hear Him whisper back, " I SEE YOU!"
This giant mountain-maker. El ROI. He sees me in my wordlessness. He sees my twisted up heart and has care, concern and fondness for me.

I don't understand His ways.

But, HE IS AMAZING.

I saw evidence of Him yesterday and was convinced again. His glory is revealed in nature and His heart is revealed to me through the sacrifice of Jesus to make all the sad and broken things untrue. Head and heart lifted. Deep breath... face to the sun.


" The hidden things of God are hidden for a reason. They are none of our concern, none of our hope, none of our life...To those of you who are hurting, know that there is a God who loves you, who has always loved you and always will. Jesus Christ will not answer all of your questions, but He will give you all of Himself. And in the end, that's all any of us need." -Chad Bird