Grace for me, grace for you

This morning, I sat in a popular coffee and breakfast spot, sipping on hot hazelnut flavored coffee and watching the rain hit the window next to me,I followed the crooked lines that each little raindrop left. Had I had been alone, I most likely would have reached over and  traced them with my finger as I used to do on long car trips as a young girl. I would try to anticipate where each would go and marvel how each raindrop was different and unique. Each path unpredictable.

 I was waiting for a friend and when she arrived I felt my heart skip a little bit. I really like her. She is a new friend but I felt from the moment we met a kindred spirit in her. We chatted happily and easily about life and learning, growing, changing, leaning on Jesus and laughing at life. She has a story that is unique to her and I really...I mean REALLY like hearing about it. It shouldn't surprise me, but it always does, how many layers make up a person and I am always such a happy student when it comes to becoming acquainted with it all. Rob says I have made a hobby out of learning about people. I think that sounds a little creepy, but I have to agree. Everyone has a story and it is fascinating to me on many levels.

We covered so much in the little bit of time we were able to steal away in our busy lives. We shared our similarities with sometimes a resounding, "Yes!" and even cleared up misconceptions that we might have had in our observations of each other with clarity and explanation. We built on what we knew of each other with more history and even cried together over some of the hard times that ended up being so very good. God was so sweet to give us that time together. 
There was listening and there was little judgment. Just sharing and stories. What a gift that time was to me today.

In this broken and hurting world of ours, I have found it increasingly difficult to forge through differences I might have with others and move into deep and meaningful relationships.  I have felt the sting of polarization continually in my life it seems.  It didn't matter if it was when I was going to public school as a teenager and having to defend the decision to attend public school to those who were outspoken on their belief  that the only way to raise "godly" children was to have them in private school, or when I was headed to bible college and felt the sting of judgment from friends and family who asked if I was going to be a "pastor" one day. I felt the sting as I had weathered, well-meaning hands pat my own as I dropped out of college to marry and support Rob through school.

 I have felt it when I disciplined my children or failed to discipline them a certain way and I have heard the accusation in another's voice when I had to help our struggling family by working when I had little children at home. In another season of my life, I have been "pigeon-holed" for staying home and homeschooling them and I have been put into a box by women who believe that submitting to my husband must mean that I believe that my role must be one of serving my husband as my "master".

The polarization changes within each season and each change in my life, but is has always been there. It is always divisive and it always hurts my relationships.
It can easily make me want to either justify myself continually or crawl into a fetal position and shut out the world. I find myself always swinging between those two extreme emotions.

Thankfully, I have also been blessed in my life to feel the freedom that comes from understanding  that my value has never been in what I do or don't do; what I think or don't, and thank heaven...not in how well I "do" life. I have known precious sisters and brothers who have been given to me as a reflection of my Creator who has never placed value on me based on anything other than what He has done in me and for me.  I thank God for these friends. I thank God for pouring out continual grace over me because of the sacrifice of Jesus, and I pray that I will learn to do that and be that for those whose journey has looked differently than mine. We have all done a great job of wanting everyone to fit into a neat a perfect package. One that preferably looks just like ours. I am no exception from this projection and standard, I am ashamed to say.

Much like the paths of the raindrops that were hitting my window today, our situations, paths, career choices, husbands (or lack of), children, desires, wishes, politics,  hurts, struggles,  joys and our victories can be very different, but we breathe life into each other when we receive all of it with grace and give grace and our love in return.

I long for a community that gives that gift to each other. A community that listens with hearts eager to hear. I long for honesty and loyalty. I long for a sisterhood and brotherhood of laughter and tears and striving and winning, believing and trusting. I long for it so much that it hurts.


Grace for me, grace for you...


"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and knowledge-even as a testimony about Christ was confirmed among you-so that you are not lacking in any gift as you waif for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:3-9