The value of a penny

Rob got me a smart phone right before I had Sam and I can tell you that I have been so thankful for this little piece of technology. What a life-saver it has been during late-night (or is it early, early morning) feedings. As much as I would have loved to write some of my thoughts from the past year, often times I find there is little in this foggy brain of mine to share. Anything I did have to share would have been nothing more than incoherent mumo-jumbo.

I have found reading blogs instead of writing them to be just the ticket to keeping me connected to the adult world and not too taxing on my limited ability to process information. (Major sleep deprivation happened here for many, many months, people!) Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram...love it. I might need at some point a good friend to have an intervention with me over the many, many pics of Sam I posted on there this year, though. Not yet, though. Please. Not yet...

Pinterest. Oh, Pinterest is so fun. It's like I am my own magazine editor for my fake life. What a concept!!! My boards range from meals I wish I could cook to fashion I wish I could afford. I even have one that I  cleverly named, "Oh, the places we'll go". You should see that one. Its amazing.

One board you won't be seeing is one entitled, "DIY". I can at least be honest with this one. I am the LAST person on the planet to call if you need a craft for children's church whipped up. I am usually the one in MOPS during "wreath- making- time" with glue all over the table (and myself) and a confused, lost look on my face. I am a "admirer" of crafts and for all things DIY, but shudder right now in this moment thinking of trying my hand at one.

The cool thing about Pinterest is that you can showcase to the "world"  what kind of clothes you like, what kind of garden you wish you had, what fashionable children you have (cough!), and especially what gourmet dinners you are serving up in your vintage kitchen for that perfectly trendy family at your homemade farmhouse table with miss-matched chairs you found at good-will and refinished. 
 I won't belabor this any further because goodness knows I am not getting all convicted about Pinterest here. I am in love with it. We have a very love-hate relationship and it is working for us right now. End of story.

I guess where my foggy thoughts have brought me today is just this whole idea of self-forgetfullness. I can't shake it. We live in a world that is constantly playing a song that we can't seem to get out of our heads. It is playing OUR song. Its tune is melodic, its lyrics so pleasing and it something like this, "You are only as good as people think you are."  The lyrics really resonate with me because this is the lie I have been told from the very beginning of my life. Every stage of life I have had this song sung to me and I have gone through the last 36 years believing it, or trying hard to get the lyrics out of my head. It does feel so good to be admired and liked and "re-pinned" after all.

I had Cindy Lauper's "Time after Time" in my head for like a whole month last month and I was so weary of it I wanted to scream. It just rolled around in my head...time after time. Oh, dang it.

That's pretty much like the song of the world, the flesh and the devil. It makes me weary but it plays over and over and over. It affects every relationship I have. It affects my moods, my choices and more importantly my relationship with my Creator. 

Foggy thoughts...go.

He made us so unique that its hard to find a Pinterest board to fit it all on there. Complex and perfect. Not because of what books we have read or how crafty (especially not that!). Not how perfect our kids nursery is or how incredible our completely organic garden yields its fruits. Not a diet plan or the best ever meatloaf recipe (mine is really good, though, ya'll). Not because we have the latest fashions or the have followed the fool-proof ways to put a baby to sleep.  A lot of these things make up the wonderfully diverse and beautiful women that God made us to be. But, here is the catch...it doesn't make us more or less loved by our Creator.

Children of the King are precious and beautiful because of Jesus. Because of His righteousness and because of the adoption of our hearts. We are His. He is lovingly looking at you in all your uniqueness. He sees all your dirty dishes in your sink, all your pimples and your dark roots. He even sees your perfectly manicured nails, your clean house and your perfectly tailored tots too and not even THAT warms His heart. He is singing love songs over you and me this very day because of the lavished love of Jesus.

When I was a teenager during brace-face years, the receptionist at the orthodontist office gave me some advice that I will never forget. She said, " Don't value yourself in pennies, Annie, you're worth a King's ransom." 

My abilities, my strengths, my failures, my short-comings are all like my inward pinterest board. It is not what gives me value. It might give me temporal and fleeting value (pennies) to those around me, but not to Him. He sees it all and loves me like He loves His Son. It makes me choke back tears, it's so neat. 

So, I for one am attempting to think of myself less. Not that I put myself down or make you believe I hate myself. Just thinking of ME less. Thinking more of Him and His amazingness. Looking at Him and seeing the love He has for me will make me feel special, loved and cherished. Because I am.

Tim Keller wrote, 

A gospel-humble person is a self-forgetful person whose ego is just like his or her toes. It just works. It does not draw attention to itself. The toes just work; the ego just works. Neither draws attention to itself."

Glad there is grace for this, because I know I will fail. Probably the moment someone "likes" this on Facebook, but the truth is...it changes nothing of the immense love He feels for me. It warms me to my  humbled toes.